


Adventures in God-sitting

by twinsmom



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Clint Needs a Hug, Crack, Gen, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Innuendo, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-20 19:28:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4799513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twinsmom/pseuds/twinsmom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has a babysitter.. God-sitter? Hopefully funny snippits of her adventures. </p><p>I have no clue what I was thinking. Tags will be added as I go along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fic in a long long time. Hopefully this isn't to bad and someone will get a chuckle out of it. 
> 
> This isn't betaed and I am looking for someone to beta for me. Any offers? 
> 
> I banged this out on half an hour on my phone. I tried to proof read but I'm sure I missed something. 
> 
> Enjoy! I'll also take prompts if there is anything you want to see done.

Tony Stark considered himself a man that was very hard to shock. He was Tony fucking Stark, after all. Defiler of interns and coeds. Notorious playboy and billionaire.

How he came be to be standing on the other side of a closed office door was a story for another time. 

He had his ear pressed to the door, eyebrows in his hairline a lascivious smile plastered on his face.

"Just SHOVE it in!" The feminine voice on the other aide of the door groaned. It sounded like Thor's babysitter or Godsitter or whatever the fuck she was. What's her name? Tony racked his brain (hehehe rack). Candy? No, that wasn't it. Constance? Fuck! No. Cassie! That was her name. 

"Are you nuts? Do see the size of this thing? Do you want to get squirted?" Was that Clint fucking Barton?! Tony goggled at the door.

"It IS huge. Is it gonna fit?! Jesus Christ Clint be careful! Shit..CASSIE!" Tony jumped as Darcy Lewis yelped and there was a crash followed by a low moan. 

"You are fucking HAWKEYE! YOU CANT GET IT IN THE HOLE?" Darcy demanded. Clint moaned again. 

"I hope you didn't break it." Cassie said forlornly. 

"Its okay. Still functional see?" Clint said with a placating tone in his voice. There was the unmistakable smack smack smack of something hitting the palm of a hand. 

"Okay good. How about you bend over and try to shove it in the hole. Cassie get on your knees and help him work it in." Darcy ordered. 

Heat flashed in the pit of Tony's belly. God, what were they doing in there? And why hadn't he been invited? 

"Careful careful! Fuck, you're stepping on my hair! Hold my hair Darce." Cassie said in irritation. "This floor is killing my knees." She groaned a little. 

"I'm getting a kink in my neck like this." Clint complained. "Oh! Oh!" He gasped on excitement. "Its going in! Come on baby..just a...little...bit...more! Its in. Its in!" He growled triumphantly. Tony swung the door open, he just had to see this for himself. 

Three sets of eyes swiveled to Tony's as his "Ah HA!" Died in his throat. He took in the scene, his first thought was 'Why are they all wearing clothes?' Clint was bent over, Cassie was on her knees beside his feet, Darcy held the door of the printer open with one hand and Cassie's long long hair back with the other hand. "What? Just....what?" Ironman stuttered. 

"I got that sum bitch." Clint said proudly. He rose up to full height, neck rolling, a loud sigh escaping. He held out his hand and pulled Cassie to her feet. She groaned a little as her knees straitened out. 

"Where were you Mr. genius engineer when the copier ran out of toner?" Darcy demanded. Darcy crossed her arms over her chest and of course Tony's eyes zeroed in on her ample chest. 

He licked his lips. "Toner?" He muttered dazedly. 

Cassie snapped her fingers at him. He tore his eyes away from one set of cleavage to another, this more ample than the last. Boy, a guy could suffocate trapped between those two women if they hugged. 

"Oh for the love of God! Tony! Stop that, you look like a pervert at a late night porn theater." Clint gritted out. Tony forced his gaze back to the Archer. 

"Toner?" He asked again, eyes blinking slowly. 

"The copier ran out of toner." Darcy said slowly. 

"Toner." He muttered.

"Clint was helping us replace the toner cartridge. Its wasn't easy as it looked." Cassie told him, her foot starring to tap. 

"What did you think...?" Clint trailed off and cuffed him upside the head none to gently. That apparently made Tony's brain stop buffering. He shook himself. 

"It was an honest mistake! I thought...it sounded FILTHY!" He defended. His throat worked as he tried to not stare at either woman's chest. 

Cassie blinked at him. Then turned her attention to Darcy. "He's your boss." She accused and pushed between Clint and Tony, shaking her head and muttering as she walked away. 

"Come on Tony. Let's go blow something up. You wanna blow something up?" Darcy soothed turning him gently by the shoulder and guiding him out the door. "You'll feel better when you blow something up." She promised, leading him down the hall slowly. 

Clint watched them all disappear, a small smirk on his face. That was strangely satisfying. Shutting Tony Starks smart ass mouth up. And hey, he got and eyeful of cleavage so he was calling this a win.


	2. Hi Ho Silver

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, how many movie and TV quotes can YOU spot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of really depressing sad stuff is happening IRL. When that happens I write silly, crazy, cracky stuff. 
> 
> Apologies. I cleaned it up as best I could but I'm doing this all on a phone.

"HI HO SILVER.....AWAY!" 

Captain Steve Rodgers prided himself on being calm under pressure. He was rarely surprised or caught unawares. 

However, he hadn't counted on one tightly wound and eccentric Chaperone that got into more trouble that her charge. The bellowed battle cry was most definitely Cassie Williams. Steve grimaced. No good could come from this. 

His enhanced hearing picked up hard thudding footprints long before Thor burst into the kitchen, Cassie on his back, a plastic Vikings helmet perched on her head and a huge plastic sword clutched tightly in her hand. He raised his eyebrows when she shoved the sword into a thin plastic scabbard on her back. One hand reached up and pulled at the Thunder Gods hair. 

"Whhhoooa Silver!" She bellowed. Thor skidded to a stop, huge grin spread from ear to ear. She dismounted and very nearly attacked the coffee pot. Steve was surprised she didn't just drink straight from the carafe. 

"Refreshments!" Thor said with a clap of his hands. Steve could only stare. 

"Is .....is she using you as a HORSE?" Steve asked, watching as Thor grabbed several bottled waters from the fridge. 

"I am her noble steed Silver." He proclaimed proudly. 

Steve's ear prickled at the sound of more foot steps clopping along. This time slower accompanied by light puffs of air. 

Clint burst into the kitchen, Darcy on his back, wielding a toy light saber. 

"Whoa Trigger!" The PA yelled, jumping off the archers back before he had a chance to stop running. Poor Clint stumbled a little at the dismount. 

"MY NAME IS INDIGO MONTOYA!" She said, voice low and rough, tinged with a (very very bad) Spanish accent. Darcy held out the sword in front of her. 

Cassie sat her coffee cup on the counter with a loud !ping! 

"DARCY.... I AM YOUR FATHER!" She yanked her sword from the scabbard and swung it in an arc. They rushed toward each other. 

The two buxom women collided in the middle of the kitchen, plastic swords making a truly unimpressive sound when they met. Both women looked disappointed and glared down at their weapons in accusation. Then apparently remembered their battle and faced off. 

"You killed my father. Prepare to die." Darcy growled.

"Come over to the dark side Luke." Cassie garbled deeply. Now Steve had seen Star Wars and he was fairly certain that Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were the ones with a Light Saber. Not a damned...was that a Power Rangers sword? 

"Yippie Ka-yah motherfucker." Darcy gave a battle cry and lunged. And they were off, plastic swords clacking together viciously. 

Clint collapsed in a chair across from Steve.  
"Don't ask." He warned as Steve opened his mouth to ask just what the hell was going on. 

"Ahhh a noble battle." Thor said happily, watching both women in mock combat. 

Steve watched both women awkwardly battling it out. Neither were the most coordinated people and honestly, the flying hair and tangled limbs were pretty funny. 

Finally, after several long minutes Darcy collapsed dramatically on her knees, head bowed forward. Cassie stood behind her, Viking helmet all skewed and falling over her eyes. 

"THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" She proclaimed solemnly. She brought the sword down across the back of Darcy's neck gently and she fell forward dramatically, face first onto the tile. She laid there, perfectly still as Cassie held her hands over her head triumphantly. After a few long seconds Cassie leveled her gaze at Thor. 

"We're going to need the hammer next time. I need it for The Quickening. " She said simply. 

"She's right. It's just not the same." Darcy said, voice muffled by her face down position. 

Clint face palmed and shook his head helplessly. "And she's the babysitter." He groaned. 

Thor clapped his hands again. "You are victorious Lady Cassandra!" Was that pride in his voice? Steve blinked. What. The. Actual. Fuck?

"Indeed! To celebrate!" Cassie pumped her fist in the air. Thor turned around. She grinned manically, replaced her sword in the scabbard, straightened her helmet and took a running leap onto his back. 

"Hi Ho Silver! Away!" She crowed and Thor took off running. 

Darcy surged to her feet, the very same maniacal grin splitting bright red lips. "Battle." She said in a loud whisper. 

Clint groaned but allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Darcy hopped on and Clint let out an ummph! She smacked him on the shoulder. "Im not that heavy. Now be quite. This is a serious piggy back." 

Clint rolled his eyes. "You're heavier than you look." But he took off after the other two anyway. 

Steve sat, paper on front of him, staring at the empty doorway for some time. Then with a shrug went back to his paper. All in all, it wasn't the strangest thing he'd seen.


	3. Comfort and Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all you need is a little human contact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came about from a combination of things. One was my best friend gave me the prompt Boobs. Just that one word...boobs.
> 
> Secondly was my hubby having dental surgery a while back. He wanted snuggles. Lots and lots of snuggles. 
> 
> Again this is not betaed. So excuse any spelling and grammer mistakes.

"CLINT I DON'T CARE HOW BEAT UP YOU ARE! YOU ARE NOT USING MY BOOBS AS PILLOWS!" Dr. Bruce Banner slowed to a stop in the door way of the common room, his eye brows raising in amusement. 

"Awwwww come on Cass....my jaw hurts so bad." Clint Barton aka Hawkeye begged. Even from his vantage point in the doorway Bruce could see the badly bruised and swollen jaw. Even his bottom lip was pretty mangled. He was also very high on painkillers. Bruce could see Cassie softening, her eyes taking on a sympathetic look. 

"Alright. Just for a minute." She conceded, then held her arm out to the side. Clint scooted in record time under her arm and promptly laid his head on her Supernatural T-shirt covered chest. 

"What the hell?" It came out sounding more like 'Hat tha ell.' "What is that?" He asked, raising his head to stare accusingly at her chest. 

"That is the comfort that is underwire, Hummingbird." She sighed. Bruce snorted, giving away his presence. Cassie craned her neck to look over the sofa at him. 

"What's up Doc?" She asked with a grin. "Wanna get in on this? I have another boob." She pointed at her left breast.

Bruce surprised himself at the laugh that erupted. 

"No! Mine." Clint mumbled, then resumed his breast burrowing. "Take it off." He whined pitifully. 

"Oh fucks sake." Cassie sighed, rolling her eyes at Bruce. "Sit up." As soon as he raised his head she reached behind her and under the shirt. With a flick of her wrist the clasp was undone. She pulled one arm into the sleeve of the shirt, then the other. With a triumphant smirk she pulled the hot pink bra from the armhole. She dropped it on the floor. 

"This is a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen." Bruce sighed all the while he tried not to blush. He shook his head and sat in a chair next to the sofa. 

Clint sighed as well his injured jaw landing softly on newly freed breasts. 

"Pfffft. I don't mind." Cassie dismissed with a wave of her hand, before carding it through Clint's hair. The archer heaved a deep breath and tucked an arm across her thighs. "Anyway...hellllloooo perks." Cassie winked at Bruce and trailed a finger down his bicep. "Holy arm porn, Batman." 

"I don't know if I'm comfortable with this." Bruce said. 

"My boobs are awesome." Cassie stated proudly. 

"They really really are." Clint proclaimed, voice muffled by his current position. 

"Seriously Doc. It doesn't bother me. I think he just wants to be cuddled. Nothing wrong with that." Clint made an agreeable noise. Her eyes took on an accessing look. Like she was daring him to disagree. 

Bruce nodded. She bad a point, there was nothing overtly sexual about the embrace and it had been a really bad mission. Natasha was still on the medical floor, nursing a broken arm and a bruised lung. 

Clint gave a grunt of discomfort and shifted a little burrowing a little further into Cassie's chest. She, for her part, trailed her hand through his hair, over his shoulders down his arm. Bruce could see her eyes misting with tears as she took in the pitiful sight he made. 

She was right, it was all about comfort and Bruce could feel himself becoming a little envious. Cassie cocked her head at him pushed gently at Clint's shoulder. 

"Awww." He whined when Cassie stood. Before Bruce knew it she was across the space that separated them and had grabbed his head and pulled it tight against her belly. He went stock still, not used to human contact. 

"Even you deserve a hug now and then Doc." She squeezed him tightly and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. He allowed himself the small comfort of the embrace, going so far as to loosely loop his arms around her waist right before she dropped a light kiss on the top of his head and stepped back. She had kept it brief, and for that Bruce was grateful. Almost as grateful as he was for the hug. 

Cassie took her position back up beside Clint and the Archer went right back to his borrowing. 

"Clint, stop wriggling around. I can feel your stubble through my shirt." Cassie said, amused by his constant snuggles. 

" 'Orry 'Assie." He mumbled thickly. 

"Oh you poor thing." She crooned, rubbing her hand over his back. They were pretty much silent after that, Clint dosing, Cassie playing on her phone, Bruce lost in thought. It was comfortable. And really, isn't that what its about sometimes? Just sheer human companionship? Sitting in silence and allowing yourself to just.... Be.


End file.
